The belief that relationships are 50/50 is based on the premise that a positive and productive relationship is formed where two people meet at a half-way point.This belief can be dangerous because responsibility for one’s happiness is placed on another person.

Another problem in a 50/50 dynamic is the possibility of someone “keeping score.” When this is the case one party may withhold affection or build a resentment due to feeling like the relationship is out of balance. There can be an unwritten rule that “you owe me one.” In order for a relationship to feel whole each party needs to be aware of his role.  An attitude of service is diminished when someone feels that the favor must be returned.

If people are dependent upon others to “complete” them, it can be difficult to feel emotionally balanced without people performing for their satisfaction.Although it can be painful when a positive deed is not reciprocated the spirit of helpfulness shouldn’t be based solely on the philosophy of quid pro quo.

Although some relationships begin as a result of one person’s needs and another person’s ability to meet those needs, it still requires 100 percent participation in order for the relationship to become positive. Once a person finds someone who can help, he begins to open himself up and communicate what his needs are. The person who is able to meet these needs then empowers the other to make any necessary changes in life to move forward and deal with that problem.

This is not a 50/50 proposition. It is as a result of each person giving 100 percent. Both involved parties begin therelationship with some specific individual goals. Each individual finds a level of compatibility with the person to whom they are attracted. The relationship is able to begin in a healthy way because of this understanding. Do you believe relationships are 50/50?

A fundamental belief is that relationships are “hard work” and involve “sacrifice and compromise.” While building connections on any level can be a challenge , these negative attitudes are prevalent in today’s society because many people struggle to take responsibility for their own situations. It has become increasingly more common for people to blame someone or something else for their plight in life.

Forming unions is harder when someone is unwilling to accept that his decisions, words, and actions have a ripple effect. All relationships involve two people coming together, therefore flexibility is critical. This doesn’t necessarily mean that there must be “hard work” in order for a relationship to be successful. If a bond is extremely difficult to maintain, it is possible it shouldn’t exist. Before making that determination, however, it is imperative to make an honest self-appraisal.

• Taking responsibility for actions and words is key.
• Relationships are always a reflection of a person’s current state of mind.
• When someone feels conflict with another person, the first responsibility is to look within himself to determine whether he has somehow wronged the other person.
• If he discovers that his actions have been clean, he can find comfort in the awareness that his behavior or attitude is not at the root of this conflict.

Continuing to attempt to engage another person in conversations about conflicts may perpetuate the problem. At that point it can be helpful to take a step back and allow the other person the freedom to work out whatever issues they may have.Most people want to be liked; so this can be challenging. The other person may not respond positively and the disagreement may not be solved. A few points that may be helpful include:

• The only actions anyone can truly control are his own.
• Building relationships can be complicated.
• In order to build strong relationships one must take responsibility for his own actions.

With this perspective and responsibility the building and maintaining of relationships is more a challenge than a chore. Removing the fear makes the entire experience much more rewarding.

If you find yourself blaming others for your loneliness or if you are in constant conflict with other people, look closely and see whether you can be honest with yourself. Remember that it is impossible for anyone to control what you say or do. Realize it is only  you creating your problems. Your current situation, good or bad, is a result of a series of decisions you have made and actions you have taken. It is also a result of either negatively reacting or positively responding to your emotions. You are not a puppet on strings or a trained animal. Although past circumstances have a part to play in how you have developed, your reactions create your reality. Ultimately your life is yours to own.

Begin To Take Responsibility

In order to move away from the victim role it is important to pause and take a deeper look at how you may experience conflict in your relationships today. A simple exercise to find clarity may include:

• Take inventory of those relationships creating conflict in your life.
• Be honest about your part in this conflict. What can you change in order to feel balanced within these relationships?
• As you make changes be aware of how much less you are concerned about the behavior of the other person.

It may not always feel like you have a choice as to how you react or respond, but you always do. Be patient with yourself and others. Take the time to think through how to best handle whatever situation you find yourself in. Ultimately you will find more peace and all of your relationships will benefit.

How Perceptions Are Formed

There are many kinds of relationships we will engage in throughout our lives. There are several factors involved in how we form our perceptions of these relationships. We learned a lot from our families which provided most of us  with a foundation to operate from every day. We learn from our peers. We learn from mentors and others we admire. Most of us hear stories about other people’s lives and find bits and pieces we would like to emulate. Because there are so many influencers in our lives we must pay attention to how we are affected by these sources of input.

There are many facets to anyone’s life and several variables involved in any decisions made. With all of this information the simplest decisions can become convoluted. As a result it is easy to become indecisive and sometimes stuck. Therefore it is crucial to make things as simple as possible in order to gain clarity.

The Role Of Relationships In A Balanced Life

Relationships can be very complicated, and these complications are increased when your life is out of balance. Balance is achieved through being aware of your belief systems and noticing how they affect your physical, emotional and spiritual states. Belief systems include everything from perceptions of spirituality to the value of money. When you have a strong belief about something, you form your opinions, make decisions and form relationships based on these beliefs. As a way to figure out an area of your life which may need attention:

• On a piece of paper draw three columns, title one physical, the next emotional/mental and the third spiritual.
• Write down ways you nurture each part of your life.

Following this simple formula will give you an idea of what may be out of balance in your life and which areas need more focus. This will provide you with insight into which relationships in your life need to be nurtured and which may need some clarification of boundaries. We are all affected by people in our lives. By achieving a level of balance we are able to control how deep this influence goes. How do you find balance?

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Are you having fun? Is your life filled with activities you look forward to? Most people would probably agree that anything worth doing should involve a degree of fun.  However, most of us create the majority of our lives with  “got-tos.” It’s time to focus on some of the “get-tos.”  For the sake of clarity, I will define a “get-to” as an activity you view with such a degree of excitement and enthusiasm, you can’t wait until you get to start.  Something that gives you butterflies when you think about it.

“It takes courage to play in a world that does not play.”

~Fred Donaldson

Do you find it more and more difficult to find “get-tos?”  Have the circumstances in your life become so stressful or filled with anxiety that you find very little joy throughout the day?  Have you become the dour figure you swore you would never be?  If this describes how you feel (even a little bit) make the decision to change.  Now!

Today, schedule in your next “get-to.”  This may feel ridiculous at first, but this is where your courage steps up.  The world is a balance of work and fun.  Play and toil.  It is up to you to create the balance.

Your current conditions may be difficult.  The challenges in your life may not be a great deal of fun or involve pain.  However, you have control over how you react to your life.  Even in the most difficult of times you can find something in your life to bring you joy.  Don’t let your guilt stop you from laughing.  Don’t let your seriousness stop you from a moment of silliness.  Get into the habit now of experiencing as much fun and laughter as possible.  Be the exciting, fun-machine you were born to be!

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“If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone.”

~ John Maxwell

So many of us believe we find security in the status quo.  However over time, people tend to develop resentment with those they feel are holding them back from the life they really want. Many come to realize the predictability they once cherished is no longer satisfying.  Although it is easy to blame our partners for this lack of growth, it is up to us to live the life we aspire to.  It is useful to look within to determine whether you feel stifled.

Here are a few simple questions to evaluate whether you are being intellectually and emotionally stretched:

• Pay attention to your level of enthusiasm about the day ahead.  Is it high or low?
• Do the activities you participate in offer the opportunity to be exposed to people outside of your normal circle?
• Have you recently learned new information that enhances your life

If you find you are stuck in the same old routine, make the powerful decision to consciously expand your awareness. With this expansion of consciousness comes the opportunity for remarkable progress. Your relationships will be positively impacted by you making the decision to step outside of what is comfortable and challenge yourself to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Wouldn’t it be relieving to know negative patterns of behavior could be changed? Most are afraid to make any kind of transformation due to the fear of the unknown. A feeling of emotional security can be created by staying within the status quo.  Many fight for predictability even though negative patterns can be created. Sometimes years fly by before we come to the realization that we are simply living the life expected of us, as opposed to seeking new experiences and awareness.  There is a degree of comfort in traditions and knowing that preceding generations have lived the same way.  This cyclical pattern affects all aspects of life, from a sense of self worth to the quality of relationships.

If you have become aware of yourself repeating negative patterns, there are some very simple steps you can take to create positive results:

• Make a note of the pattern you want to change.
• Write down several ways how this pattern manifests in your life.
• Share this awareness with an objective person.
• Make a simple plan of specific actions you can take to change your direction.

Involving the assistance of an objective person is critical. It is difficult to maintain any honest self-appraisal. It can be a challenge for anyone who is emotionally to close to your situation to offer direct and frank advice.  With the help of a trusted friend, coach or mentor, you will discover areas of your life you may not see on your own and you will establish accountability.  With this connection, you will feel empowered and more likely to make the real changes you desire. This outside perspective will remind you how far you have come and encourage you to keep moving forward.

So start today!   Begin to notice where you act without awareness. Observe situations in which you find yourself reacting in ways you do not like.  Choose to take the simple steps to begin a new chapter in your life.  One where you live the life you really want.

“Nothing limits achievement like small thinking; nothing expands possibilities like unleashed imagination.” ~ William Arthur Ward

In order to connect with limitless possibility, it is necessary to commit to creating supportive relationships.  This can involve many challenges because supportive doesn’t always mean comfortable. Creating the right relationships for success involves being stretched beyond the normal definitions of security. Positive connections create accountability to the commitments made to grow and change. It is vital to be aware of how partnerships affect thinking.  Regular evaluations of an individual’s relationships can create an environment of growth and positive change.

A Simple Assessment To Evaluate Relationships

• Does this relationship challenge my ideas?
• Do conversations support expansion of thinking or suppression of ideas?
• Does this relationship encourage compassion?

Finding the answers to these questions can provide you with tremendous insight into the condition of any relationship. Often, people will hold on to friendships and other connections because of the fear of being alone. No matter how scary honest evaluation can be, the knowledge gained from accurate appraisals is vital. With this awareness you can find a specific direction to go in to continue your personal growth. The combination of your desire to grow and a system of support makes the road a lot less treacherous.  The more we know about ourselves and our relationships, the more we can create positive attitudes, inspire action, and strengthen our resolve.

Do you struggle with accepting different opinions?  Conflicts often begin as a result of trying to convince someone else to see a situation the same way you do.  You have every right to your opinion and the free expression of it.  It is important to remember, however, so do those with whom you don’t agree.

As people, we thrive on validation and connection.  Having our contemporaries support and understand our viewpoints feels good and keeps our hearts open.  We experience a sense of unity and advocacy.  It only becomes problematic when one party attempts to suppress the opinions of another.

Contrasting perspectives enhance life.  Although it may be rare for someone to change their mind, being exposed to differing beliefs can be very healthy as we learn to become explorers in this complex and multi-faceted world we live in.  Through listening to someone else’s ideas we may choose to create positive change in our life, or it may strengthen our current decisions and personal power.

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”     ~ Stacey Charter

To be able to accept another person’s opinion is a symptom of healthy self-acceptance.  It is always good to know who you are, what you believe, and why you have the perspectives you do.  Enjoy sharing your insights, and even more importantly, learn to enjoy listening to the insights of others.  All of this enriches life.

Change Your Mentality

Many are conditioned to play the victim role in relationships.  As a result of this self-defeating mentality, people find themselves living out negative patterns over and over again.  If you find yourself stuck in relationship patterns in which you feel your emotions are being controlled, there are a few things you can do to begin breaking the victim mentality.

• Make a list of the relationships which bring up negative thoughts or feelings.
• For each one, write a specific event that occurred within each relationship when you last felt stressed, angry or sad.
• As you look at each item, determine where you gave your power to the other person.
• Write down what you believe might have occurred if you stayed calm, confident and in your power.  How might it shift the dynamic within therelationship?
• Develop a simple plan of action to begin your transformation towards a more positive non-victim role in each relationship on your list.

Your Power Is Yours

If a person has the power to “make” you feel a certain way, it is because you have given your power away. It can seem as if it is impossible to remove yourself from this dynamic. It isn’t. If you want this to change you must decide it is no longer acceptable to be in this emotionally submissive position.  Don’t blame other people for your emotional state. Be responsible for the condition of your relationships and enjoy the positive change towards living authentically… no matter who you are with!